Chemo Day 10: Perspective, Pepcid, and Practicing Faith
Time flies when you’re fighting cancer.
My first chemo was 10 days ago and things have been fairly uneventful so far, and that’s a good thing! Anyone who has walked this road as a fighter or a caregiver knows this truth, sometimes the treatment meant to cure you makes you feel worse than the illness itself. I’ve been lucky. Round one has come with relatively mild side effects. Without being graphic, nothing that Tylenol, Imodium, and Pepcid AC can’t handle.
I’m looking at this first round as a bit of a beta test, learning how and when my body reacts so I can get ahead of it next time. What surprised me most, though, wasn’t my physical symptoms. It was how much my perspective has shifted in just ten days.
I keep a daily journal where I track how I feel, my symptoms, what I eat, and my emotional and spiritual state, and I end each day with what I’m grateful for. Gratitude lists aren’t anything new, but when so much feels out of my control, focusing on my blessings has been a game changer. I’m also pretty sure there’s science somewhere that backs up the healing power of gratitude!
Evenings tend to be the worst for me physically, my version of cancer sundowning, and that’s usually when I’m writing. Some nights I have to dig a little deeper. And sometimes gratitude is as simple as Pepcid AC.
I shit you not!
Terrible pun, but totally accurate🤷♀️
There’s a lot I can’t control: whether my hair falls out, whether my mouth gets sore, or the chemo rash creeping over my hands. And sometimes I can’t even fully control the raging bitch that shows up thanks to the steroids I take. We’ve named her K² for Karen squared, lol. Those days come with a lot of apologizing. From me. Frequently. I’ve already asked my doctor to reduce the steroids next round so that we never meet K3!
What I can control is my mindset, my words, and my actions.
Movement has become my medicine. I walk every chance I get. It may not be the medicine that kills cancer, but it’s the one that keeps me mentally and emotionally well. Some days I walk slower. Some days I bring my dog so he can pull me wherever I need to go. Kosmo has absolutely no concern for my energy level.
I can’t shake the feeling that I am blessed to have cancer. Yes, you read that correctly. The outpouring of love from friends and family, near, far, and from years long past, has wrapped my heart in ways I don’t have words for. I wish everyone walking through a hard season had that kind of support.
It makes you wonder what it would look like if we moved through life assuming that every person we meet needs a cheering squad. Because when we know someone is sick, hurting, or grieving, we show up like an army. This journey has changed how I see people and how I want to show up for them.
Many of you have asked if we need anything. Right now, we’re doing OK. I know the effects of chemo will accumulate. I know I’ll get weaker and feel sicker as this goes on. When the time comes, we will lean more on our tribe to get us through. Keep your ringers on! If I’ve got your number I may be calling:)
What I’ll always take is messages, comments, and prayers. It may take me a while to respond, and if I miss you, please know this… your thoughts and prayers still made their way to me and my family♥️
For today, my gift is walking. Miles on my legs. Clouds parting. Gratitude beyond measure. And yes… I still have all my hair.
Until tomorrow.
The next haircut is coming. A wig decision is looming. Will she go Classic Karen… or dare to be different?
Thanks for stopping by to join me on this newest of life rerouting.
Shine Forward,
Karen