Pressure vs. Presence: What’s Leading Your Life Right Now?

Ever feel like you’re doing all the things but somehow still missing your own life?

You check the boxes. You show up. You push through.
But under the surface, there’s this tension. A constant hum of urgency, a weight you can’t quite name.

That’s pressure.

It’s everywhere: in our jobs, our homes, our expectations, and our inner dialogue. I’ve felt it. You’ve probably felt it too.

Last week, during a virtual roundtable I hosted on boldness and calling (inspired by the story of Esther, one of the fiercest women in Scripture), a friend shared something that stopped me in my tracks.

She said, “I’m grappling with presence over pressure.”

And just like that, I exhaled. Because I realized I was too.

That one sentence cracked something open for me. I knew I had to write about it.

So let’s unpack what pressure really does to us, what presence can restore, and why this tug-of-war is something so many of us are living out in real time.

When Pressure Leads the Way

Let me start by getting honest. Over the past few months, I hit a wall.

I felt burned out. Stuck. What I can only describe as a season of depression.

Not the kind that knocks you off your feet all at once, but the kind that creeps in through the cracks. It was the weight of all the doing without feeling like I was actually living.

I had put so much pressure on myself to hit revenue goals, build credibility, chase a vision of success that I lost sight of my why.

I was doing all the things I thought I “should” do to grow my business, but I wasn’t actually living from the passion that started it in the first place: helping women own their journey, trust their strength, and take bold action.

And the thing is, I’ve lived in survival mode before. As a former sole provider for my family, pressure wasn’t just emotional. It was functional. If I didn’t deliver, we didn’t eat, and we all really like to eat!

So yeah, pressure was my normal. It was how I lived. But now? I’m not in crisis anymore. I’m not surviving. I’m building. But my old patterns didn’t get the memo.

What Pressure Looks Like

Psychologists define pressure as “the stress we feel when the demands of a situation exceed our perceived ability to cope.” It’s the weight we carry, often self-imposed, to meet expectations, prove our worth, or keep things from falling apart.

It often shows up in subtle but relentless ways:

• Chasing financial milestones to feel credible or secure

• Saying yes, even when our bandwidth is gone

• Holding ourselves to a silent standard of 100% in every role and feeling like anything less is failure

• Setting unrealistic expectations, then spiraling when we can’t meet them

Underneath it all is the belief that doing more equals being enough. And it’s exhausting.

And let’s not pretend this is just personal. According to Gallup, 44% of people say they feel stress “a lot of the day,” and burnout is now officially classified by the World Health Organization as a workplace syndrome.

Pressure isn’t just uncomfortable. Too much of it rewires your brain, shrinking the part that helps you think clearly and strengthening the part that fuels fear and reactivity.

So yeah, pressure doesn’t just throw off your schedule. It steals your clarity, your joy, and your ability to make wise decisions.

How I Cope (and What Actually Helps)

When pressure hits, we all respond differently.

Some of us numb out. Some shut down. Some, like me, retreat back into our cave, we isolate, overthink, and overload ourselves with tasks that look productive but don’t actually move us forward.

Here’s what has helped me:

• Phone-a-friend therapy. I’m blessed with amazing friends and we reason things out together. Sometimes, just saying it out loud lets the steam out of the pressure cooker.

• Scripture. Reading about ancient struggles reminds me that pressure and pain aren’t new. God’s words brought comfort thousands of years ago, and they still do now.

• Movement. Better defined for me as a walk-n-talk. A recovering runner with really bad knees, I’ve spent miles clearing my head, releasing the pressure and often finding the clarity needed to move forward.

• Surrender. Sometimes, all I can do is stop trying to carry it all and hand it over to something bigger than me.

Learning Presence (The Hard Way)

I’ve never been great at stillness. Busy was my coping mechanism for years.

When my daughter was diagnosed with pediatric cancer, I fell apart. I didn’t get out of bed for days. But once I had a treatment protocol, I had something to manage and I became a fierce advocate. That kept me moving. That gave me a sense of control.

But when she died, no amount of busy could fill that hole.

The only way through that grief was to be in it. Fully. Present.

And it was awful. And beautiful. And holy. And real.

So What Is Presence?

Presence is defined as “the state of being fully engaged and aware in the current moment.” It’s not just being in the room. It’s actually being with yourself, your surroundings, and the people in front of you, without mentally jumping ahead or spiraling behind.

For me, presence means being fully where my feet are: body, mind, and spirit. I sometimes visualize it like I’m looking down at myself from above and realizing: This is where I am. This is who I am. Right now.

I don’t get there often. But when I do? It’s magic. It’s clarity. It’s peace.

Presence Doesn’t Mean Letting Go of Goals

Let’s be clear, presence doesn’t mean we stop striving and throw strategy to the wind.

It means we learn to pace ourselves. We learn to tune into what’s needed right now so we can act with intention, not impulse. It helps me set realistic goals and timelines that don’t leave me feeling like I’m always behind.

And as an Enneagram 3, achiever to my core, that’s been huge.

Because when I’m out of alignment, I chase worth through performance. But when I’m present? I lead from purpose.

Closing Reflection

Thank you to my friend for naming it. For giving voice to what so many of us are silently wrestling with: the constant tug-of-war between pressure and presence.

That one simple sentence cracked something open in me. It gave me permission to pause, reflect, and look honestly at the patterns I’ve been carrying. And in doing so, something shifted.

My shoulders dropped.
My breath deepened.
And my feet began to move, not in a frantic sprint, but in a steady, intentional pace.

One step at a time. In my own bright direction.

Want More Like This?

If this resonated with you, here are a few ways to keep going:

👉 Grab my book, 6 Steps In The Bright Direction, for stories, tools, and mindset shifts to help you Shine Forward even when life feels heavy.
👉 Let’s connect on LinkedIn or Instagram, because life gets messy, and you don’t have to navigate it alone.